One of the traditions of the Australian Football League Grand Final is the North Melbourne Grand Final Breakfast.
It is customary for the Prime Minister and Opposition Leader to address the breakfast each year. On occasion, events conspire against their attendance and their deputies stand in.
Here’s a selection from the past decade.
John Howard (Liberal PM)
Simon Crean (ALP Opposition Leader)
John Howard (Liberal PM)
Kevin Rudd (ALP Opposition Leader)
Julia Gillard (ALP Deputy Prime Minister)
Malcolm Turnbull (Liberal Opposition Leader)
Julia Gillard (ALP Prime Minister) and Julie Bishop (Liberal Deputy Leader)
Julia Gillard (ALP Prime Minister)
Tony Abbott (Liberal Opposition Leader)
This is the text of Opposition Leader Tony Abbott’s address to the 2011 AFL Grand Final Breakfast in Melbourne.
It’s great to be making my maiden appearance at this great national institution, the North Melbourne Grand Final Breakfast.
Ladies and gentlemen, the supreme virtue of Australian Rules is that it’s the one football code that wasn’t invented in England.
My one and only game was a defiant assertion of our national identity: I was playing for Oxford University Australians against Cambridge University Australians.
Unfortunately, no one had told me that a ball kicked out was thrown in by the umpire and not by a player, so I instinctively grabbed the ball and tried to form a line out.
It was at this point that I realised a “balls-up” was not just another way of restarting play – or what happens when politicians try to address the problems of the nation.
My Aussie Rules education continued during last year’s election campaign with Jobe Watson teaching me to handball, badly, at Windy Hill and Harry Taylor giving me marking practice at Skilled Stadium. It was an expensive lesson: we made a $36 million commitment to rebuild the place because Frank Costa drives a hard bargain.
Right now, there seem to be a few parallels between the AFL and politics.
In recent days we have seen someone called Swan labelled the best at his craft in the whole world. Well sorry, Wayne. Dane Swan is the world’s greatest and he thoroughly deserved the Brownlow medal.
I understand that Collingwood has a succession plan that involves Mick Malthouse relinquishing power to Nathan Buckley. It’s just like John Howard planned to hand over to Peter Costello. Lucky there’s an Eddie McGuire to make the deal stick.
Geelong has done magnificently, even after sending their best player to Queensland. It’s a bit like the Australian government after Kevin Rudd was put on the transfer list.
There’s a lot of talk at the moment about everything being too negative and too aggressive with all the focus being on bringing the other side down and I reckon that means Cameron Ling would make a great opposition leader.
Ladies and gentlemen, I want to pay tribute today to two historic clubs and to everyone who’s helped two great sides to get to this year’s Grand Final.
It might not make much sense for our clubs and our pubs but, for politicians on Grand Final day, there is no escaping mandatory pre-commitment. Mine is to the Cats: and by 10 points.
Finally, I should acknowledge that there will soon be an AFL team in western Sydney – a place where Aussie Rules supporters were once as rare as Liberal voters.
I do hope that this new club might further initiate me into the sacred rites of the AFL provided I’m permitted a bit of political evangelism on the side.
Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen.