Why did the chicken cross the road?
PHILIP RUDDOCK
I don’t care why the chicken crossed the road. It should be sent back to where it came from. Who knows what might happen if we keep letting any old chicken cross the road. We could be inundated with them. Send them to the farmer up the road a bit and we can pay him to deal with the problem.
JEFF KENNETT
If the chicken did cross the road it should have been fitted with an e-tag and should pay the same toll as all other road users.
STEVE BRACKS
Regional chickens should have the same opportunities to cross roads as chickens living in Melbourne.
JOHN HOWARD
The chicken never crossed the road. And it was not forcibly removed from its mother! Anyway, that’s a matter for the States and is of no interest to us. The United Nations should butt out.
KIM BEAZLEY
There WAS a chicken and it DID cross the road. This is a deliberate act by the government to hide the fact that chickens continue to cross Australian roads.
NATASHA STOTT DESPOJA
What if it was not a chicken but a bantam? Minority sectors of our community shouldn’t be discriminated against based purely on the size of their legs.
EVELYN SCOTT
To demonstrate a commitment to reconciliation with Indigenous chickens.
PETER COSTELLO
According to documentation submitted to the Live Foods Processing Authority, the chicken in question was uncooked at the time of its journey and therefore will not incur a GST charge. However, if that chicken actually crossed the road for profit, regardless of its raw/cooked status, the road crossing would be considered by the ATO to be a service for which GST will be imposed.
PAULINE HANSON
Please explain.
ROBERT DE NIRO
Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you’re telling me?
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed and that was good enough for us.
REV FRED NILE
Because the chicken is gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the ‘other side’. That’s what ‘they call it: the ‘other side’. Yes, my friends.
CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it’s true?
HANSIE CRONJE
What if I could guarantee that it won’t get to the other side?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?
THE C.I.A
Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define the word ‘chicken’.
HOMER SIMPSON
…mmmm… Chicken.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
MACHIAVELLI
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever morive there was.
TIMOTHY LEARY
Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
FOX MULDER
It was a government conspiracy.
DARWIN
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.
RICHARD NIXON
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat: the chicken did not cross the road.
OLIVER STONE
The question is not “Why did the chicken cross the road?”, but is rather: “Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”
JERRY SEINFELD
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?”
